


drift away

by haetnimie



Series: love & letter: i have something to say [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Romance, basically soonyoung's pov to hit song, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-26 00:32:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18272189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haetnimie/pseuds/haetnimie
Summary: jihoon is soonyoung's best friend and biggest fan, but soonyoung doesn't get to see him often when he debuts.(side b)





	drift away

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't want to leave it one-sided, so i decided to write this real quick and give another pov. :)  
> but it makes for a good little series, so i'm happy with it.

it takes a lot to drag his tired feet and tired body up the flight of stairs that lead up to the rooftop, but when he sees his friend leaning on the railings and waiting for him, he immediately feels the fatigue of last night’s practice melt away. he lets the morning sun bask on him for a little bit, and it’s warm and energizing, but the best part of this morning routine is getting to take his place right next to jihoon’s side.

he thinks the brown hair is nice, but the idea of saying it and suddenly _implying more_ makes soonyoung a little bashful, and already, his face feels hotter than the rest of him as the blood rushes to his cheeks. it’s a usual occurrence in their morning meetings; dawn seems to be hotter than day.

“so is it still talk?” jihoon asks soonyoung, and he snaps out of the daze he’s in — that is, staring at jihoon as discreetly as possible, which basically means staring at him straight on, though he’s thankful his friend doesn’t say anything about it. maybe he doesn’t think much of it? on one hand it’s good, but on the other hand…god, why does jihoon like to play with his heart like this?

“mhm,” soonyoung replies, eyes scrunching together when he gives him a wide, toothy smile. “but it’s more ‘planning’ talk now! the details are still being finalized, but i _do_ know that it’ll happen some time around fall.”

he pauses for a bit, taking his own words in. ‘debut’. they’re planning his group’s debut. suddenly, three years seems like too short of a time. has he learned and trained enough to be an idol? will he be able to do his best during their debut? will his dream flourish or crumble?

“i can’t wait for your debut.”

jihoon turns to look at soonyoung, and he _smiles_. it’s a reassuring smile. somehow, it makes soonyoung calm and frantic at the same time, seeing this expression on his usually-stone friend’s face.

because of it, soonyoung stumbles. “ey…what’s with that face?”

“nothing.” now he _laughs_ , and that small of a snippet makes soonyoung’s hear run a complete mile. he loves to tease him, doesn’t he? the power that this short boy holds. “just remembering the time i visited your house and i walked in to you singing shinee’s ‘replay’.”

“seriously? we were, like, eight!” soonyoung still gets a little embarrassed about the incident, but he takes the opportunity to play along with it. “well? i was idol material then, right? i hit all the notes!”

“you were alright.”

“hmph, what would _you_ know.” soonyoung feigns a pout, and now jihoon’s face is back to its standard expression, eyes serious and lips pressed together in a cold but thoughtful line. jihoon quickly pinches soonyoung’s cheek, and he lets out a noise of complaint, though it doesn’t hurt that much. (he knows that jihoon had the power to make it hurt, though. he’s strong for someone small.) this is what he gets for having such chubby cheeks. “alright, i admit, you know a bit about music, so you’d know _something_!”

“thank you,” jihoon lets go of his cheek, _thank god_. “you know, maybe ‘oh my!’ will cover one of your songs one day. that’d be an interesting thing to arrange. i’m sure they’d have no problem saying no, either. seungkwan and seokmin will say yes to singing just about anything.”

“really? then would you cover our debut song?”

“yeah, if it’s good.”

“aw, come on, jihoonie!” soonyoung whines, though he knows his friend is just joking. “support your best friend, will you? i’m going to debut soon! i’m going to be an idol!”

there’s a silence that takes place, but it isn’t suffocating. it’s thoughtful. finally, jihoon says something. “you know i’ll support you all the way, right? that’s not going to change, no matter what. it’s your dream as much as it is mine.”

…and right through the heart that arrow goes. soonyoung’s smile isn’t so easily repressed — he doesn’t want it to be. he’s happy, he’s warm, he’s _full_. “thanks, jihoonie. i’ll look out for my biggest fan’s support, then!”

jihoon always knew what to say to ease soonyoung’s worries. he chips away at rock and soil to find diamonds shiny enough to be words that can pass through his mouth. and it works every single time. it always works. it’s why soonyoung falls deeper in love with jihoon each and every single time he lays his eyes on him, and he doesn’t regret it.

* * *

when soonyoung gets the debut date, the first person he texts is none other than his best friend.

**_soonyoung  
_**debut: september 25!!!  
you’ll stream it right?

 ** _jihoon  
_** of course i will  
i’ll watch the mv 100 times  
  
**_soonyoung  
_**that’s my biggest fan!!

“hyung’s smiling at his phone _again_!” chan sings as he twirls into the practice room, and soonyoung almost drops his phone. the youngest is quick to poke soonyoung’s side, pestering him about his expression. “was that him? how’s it going between you two? i haven’t seen him in a while!”

“seriously, i kinda miss him,” jun adds in, throwing his bag to the side and beginning to stretch. “he’s the only one that can eat spicy food with me! let me borrow him for a while, will you, soonyoung?”

“please don’t kill soonyoung’s boyfriend,” minghao says with a rather concerned look on his face. “how could you do that to our leader?”

“wow. _wow_. first of all!” soonyoung stops chan from poking him, putting his phone in his bag so that he doesn’t visibly jump from excitement when he sees jihoon’s name pop up on the screen. “ _not_ boyfriend. nope. second of all, you’re going to have to ask him yourself to eat with you. you know what school we go to.”

“you know, i did go to the school once, for a festival sort of thing.” chan says, now nudging soonyoung. “his _band_ performed. so you like musicians, don’t you?”

“who’s the oldest here?” soonyoung shots him a glare, but chan just shrugs, sitting down on the floor now. right, he has to get serious. it’s just job as leader — he’s _leader_ — after all. soonyoung claps, looking at the three with the sudden determined expression on his face. it means business. “anyway, we can’t afford to be too carefree. september will be here before we know it, and we have to be ready. let’s practice, yeah?”

* * *

he’s missing school today because today was the big day. the _debut showcase_. he’s the first to get his hair and makeup done, and he’s in his outfit, but he’s tucked under the warmth of a blanket, dozing in and out of sleep. he’s tired, but the nervousness jolts him back awake before he can really drift away.

however, he isn’t completely captivated by his nerves — he has jihoon to thank for that. the fact that he actually came to their dorm after soonyoung asked him to, staying with him until he fell asleep for the night…

but what he did was so _stupid_.

in his sleepy stupor, he managed to _almost_ confess. thank _god_ he left out the word needed most, and jihoon didn’t ask him about it. not that he can, anyway, at least face-to-face. he’s not at school.

he wonders how jihoon’s doing at school.

no. he’s not going to worry about that slip up right now. focusing on this performance, _their debut_ , comes before anything else. he has to lead his group well, to make sure they perform at their best and highest level, to make sure that ‘moonwalker’ makes an impact right off the bat.

he’s finally reaching his dreams. he’s got jihoon’s support. he’s becoming an _idol_.

and with that, he doesn’t need to take a quick nap anymore. in the dressing room, he jumps and yells, “let’s make some noise!”

* * *

on the days soonyoung is able to attend school, he’s often bombarded by _everyone_ there, crowding around him the minute he passes through the gates. ‘what’s it like being an idol?’, ‘your performance the other day was amazing!’, ‘congratulations on your debut’ — those words pass by like ocean waves, crashing over him and washing away before he even has a chance to respond. it’s a bit overwhelming, to say.

people he’s never talked to once or twice approach him with a ‘hey, buddy’, but soonyoung doesn’t even have their number. a girl he did was partnered with for a project once came up to him after a year to ask for his autograph. even teachers look at him in wonder, often calling him out in class out of sheer shock that a celebrity was in their class.

he isn’t able to come so early in the mornings; there just isn’t enough time to meet up with jihoon on the rooftop to talk, not when the first bell rings just as the car pulls up in front of the school. breaks are spent frequenting the teachers’ office to turn in late work, and his fame often makes his teachers say, “it’s okay, i know you’re busy, so i won’t mark points off of it being submitted past the due date.” lunch is also a busy time, soonyoung quickly scarfing down his food as he works to catch up on today’s lessons or completely knock out at his desk.

he likes being in the stage’s spotlight. he likes performing and singing under it, as if it was his own home. he likes making the stage his. but this sudden treatment, this spotlight in the normal world…now that’s a little suffocating.

one time, he steps into homeroom just as it ends, its resonating bell making everyone rise from their sleep, and he sees jihoon’s head bob up from his seat to prepare for his next class.

“jihoonie — ”

“it’s soonyoung!”

a girl’s voice pipes up, and everyone’s heads turn. he’s met with the same crowded feeling once again, and everyone in the room rushes to where soonyoung was, in the back of the room just under the door.

everyone except jihoon.

jihoon gives a sympathetic, understanding smile. it looks a little sad. he hates to make jihoon upset, but he’s caught up in this crowd today as well. he mouths ‘i’m sorry’ to jihoon with a little wave, and jihoon mouths ‘i understand’ back before he walks out of the room.

watching him leave makes soonyoung feel very, very heavy.

* * *

studying isn’t soonyoung’s favorite activity, and he does admit that he’s feigned practices before to get past jihoon’s tutoring wrath. but when he sits in the few classes he gets to go to and ends up feeling like he’s lost knowledge rather than gained it, he has no choice but to finally sit down and get to learning.

“jihoonie’s a genius, of course,” soonyoung says when jihoon explains some points about calculus to him. “ugh, can we take a break? my head hurts.”

“we started literally a minute ago.”

“…right.”

they’re sitting at a coffee table in soonyoung’s dorm. it’s a day off for ‘moonwalker’, and chan’s in the practice room working on his own routine, while minghao and jun, on their free time off, decided to go take a walk and eat some food. how lucky they are to get this brief break. this pause before the start of their preparation for their next comeback, something that starts the next day, is much appreciated.

it’s not like he doesn’t _want_ to spend his day off without jihoon. he’s practically gasping for air the minute he walked into his dorm, black roots peeking out of the brown hair and wearing a casual outfit that shouldn’t look _that_ good, but because it’s jihoon and he’s absolutely handsome, it astonishes soonyoung. jihoon’s presence alone makes it a _great_ day, but he’d rather spend his time now hanging out with him and catching up rather than _studying_ for a math test he’s most likely going to miss.

“you good now?” jihoon asks, and soonyoung nods. jihoon actually takes soonyoung’s break requests seriously. the problem is is that means their tutoring session goes way, _way_ too long.

but hey, he has jihoon for that long of a time. there’s no complaining about that.

“jihoonie…” soonyoung slouches, giving his friend a pout while he spins the pencil in his hand rather than start the next question. “do we _really_ have to study?”

“yes?” jihoon raises an eyebrow. the way he does it is kind of (read: really) cute. in fact, the way he looks confused is pretty cute in general. he wants to kind of just cup his face and ask why he’s so _cute_. “you’re the one that _asked_ to be tutored. hey, don’t give up when we just _started_. we have a long way to go.”

“yeah, yeah.” soonyoung stretches and straightens out his back, _finally_ looking at the second math problem on his worksheet. “kinda sucks that i missed school a lot during that time, though. i mean, not that you’re a bad teacher, jihoonie, but i’d rather be in class learning this than having to cram all of it right now!”

“you wouldn’t even have to cram if you did the tiny worksheets i sent you.” jihoon give soonyoung a playful glare, but he can’t get to mad at his friend. he was busy being an idol. “whatever. if you focus in earnest, i know you can get these concepts down.”

“hmm…” soonyoung puts his face in one of his hands, half-heartedly attempting the integral question. now his brain fills with more pressing thoughts — that is, his worries. “i kinda miss just hanging out at school, too.”

jihoon doesn’t try to stop soonyoung from getting sidetracked when he’s like this. he doesn’t scold him and tell him to focus. instead, he stops what he’s doing, and he leans forward, listening attentively to what he has to say. it’s always like this. there’s no one he’d have hear his words than jihoon himself.

“jihoon, do you mind it at all?” the sudden question surprises his friend, and it surprises soonyoung, too, for the fact that he actually let those words escape his mouth. sometimes he’s a little too honest for his own good. “i mean, do you mind…i feel bad for skipping out so much and having to make you teach me.”

“i don’t mind. you’re my friend.” jihoon shrugs, playing it off in a cool manner, but there’s that word again — ‘friend’. somehow, it makes soonyoung’s stomach do a flip. they were _friends_. “and that means i’ll support you. don’t get too caught up about it, okay, soonyoung? you’re not forcing me to do anything. i’m doing this because i _want_ to.”

again with those words. the sound is so beautiful to soonyoung’s ears, partly because of the comfort they give and partly because he’s grown attached to jihoon’s voice. (jihoon sounds the best when he sings in his band — but he’ll keep that to himself.)

but soonyoung still sulks, and jihoon gives his friend a pat on the shoulder. “and before you say anything, you don’t have to do anything to repay me. there’s no need for that. i’m happy just seeing you perform. if it makes you happy, it makes me happy. i’m a simple person like that.”

god, every nerve in soonyoung’s body is telling him to do something, to just hold jihoon and tell him that he’s desperately in love with him and that he wants him in his life for as long as possible…but that’s too impulsive. it isn’t right, not right now. he’s imagined scenarios before — under cherry blossom trees, in an empty classroom, on the rooftop they frequented so much.

but it feels like he missed the opportunity. at least, back when things weren’t chaotic, back when they had time all to themselves. back to when jihoon had soonyoung, and soonyoung had jihoon, and that was it. it was as simple as that. how willing is he to try and walk past the line that’s been created? how willing is he to test those types of waters? or will he just watch the one thing he holds dear slip like that, because he was too afraid to try?

jihoon continues to tutor him, but to soonyoung, the atmosphere is still lonely.

* * *

he misses his opportunity to see jihoon the day before winter break, and it’s absolutely devastating.

he hates the fact that he has to text jihoon, ‘i’m sorry, an interview was planned last minute in the morning, and then i have everything after, so i can’t go today’. he hates the fact that he drives by the school without stopping on their way to the broadcast station, that jihoon’s probably on the rooftop right now, drinking his milk while waiting for him. he hates that he the smallest glimmer of hope vanished right before his eyes, that now he has to wait until after promotions to see him again, one on one.

he hates it, but he knows that this is how it is. it’s just how the industry works. he knew about it when signing that contract. he can be upset about it, but…

“do i really have to just let it happen?”

“what?” chan asks, sleepily looking up at his leader stuffed right next to him in the car. “did you say something, hyung?”

“nothing. go back to sleep, chan.”

he doesn’t fight back on that, thank god. he looks out of the window and watches the building rise and fall, watches as the car outruns the people walking on the sidewalk, watches as the hustle and bustle of the city slowly comes alive in the morning.

standing idly was never his thing. it’s why he started performing the minute he could stand on his two feet. it’s why he started singing the minute he figured out how to speak. it’s why he started dancing when he learned how to keep up the rhythm. it’s why he worked day and night in the practice room, why he pushed himself everyday, why he never really lost sight of becoming an idol.

next to all of that was lee jihoon himself.

if he stands idly and lets jihoon pass by him without anything happening, soonyoung could never forgive himself. after winter break, that’s going to change. because the reason he can’t stand still is because jihoon is next to him, matching his pace and working with it.

because jihoon is soonyoung’s motivation, he’ll run towards him without a single hesitation.

* * *

his friend beats him to it.

…well, he’s not sure _what_ jihoon beat him to, but it was definitely sorting out his emotions and actually _acting_ on it. it surprises soonyoung, from the moment jihoon probed him with the usb to the moment when he hears the first note of jihoon’s singing, jihoon’s music, jihoon’s _song_.

a hit song he’ll listen to seventeen times a day. he’ll gladly do it — it’ll be jihoon expressing his feelings towards him seventeen times a day.

soonyoung can’t help but feel a little giddy when he thinks about that, swinging his feet on the couch and practically rolling around as he plays the song over and over and over and over again. he knows all the lyrics at this point. it’s downloaded to his phone. he could hum the melody pretty well. it was amazing.

jihoon had a name written on the usb. ‘woozi’. soonyoung looks it up, and what pops up is a soundcloud with other songs. ‘adore u’, ‘mansae’, ‘pretty u’, ‘very nice’ — each one soonyoung listens to, and fireworks go off in soonyoung’s heart every single time. 

_jihoonie’s kind of the romantic huh, writing stuff like this…i wish i’d heard it sooner._

soonyoung can’t help but smile thinking about jihoon’s voice, how it melts as crisply as snow meeting the spring sun, how it feels like velvet and silk and everything nice. he can’t stop thinking about how skillfully jihoon’s put the instruments together, how each one comes together so well, but that’s what to expect from a genius like him. and he can’t stop thinking about the words, _the lyrics_ , and how jihoon doesn’t waste a single syllable when it comes to how he conveys his message.

he’s a little sad that he hasn’t head any of jihoon’s songs up until now, but he’s _thrilled_ that the first song he does hear is _for him_.

he loves him. he really does. he doesn’t need a hit song for soonyoung to think of jihoon every single day, but he’s thankful for the reminder.

* * *

he makes sure to go to school the day after jihoon’s given him the song — and for once, everything is on his side, because his schedules allows for it. he throws the door of the rooftop open, startling the already-nervous jihoon after soonyoung had cryptically texted him, ‘hey, let’s meet up at the rooftop, i have something to tell you’.

god, jihoon’s face is _red_. he’s noticed it before, but he’s always thought it was because of how cold it was from being on the school’s rooftop.

but it’s because of soonyoung. he smiles.

“well? what is it?” jihoon’s trying to keep his composure, but his fingers meddle with the ends of his sweater, and he looks nervous. soonyoung mentally gives him an apology for making him wait this long.

“jihoon. _lee jihoon_.”

the absence of a nickname makes jihoon perk up, standing tall to look at soonyoung eye to eye, his eyes glistening in jihoon’s hopes for the answer he was looking for, his eyes darkening in jihoon’s fear of rejection. soonyoung isn’t going to give the latter. not in a million years.

“i listened to the song.”

“…did you like it?”

“i loved it.”

“that’s good.”

silence.

“i like you.”

that was direct. jihoon blinks in surprise, but to keep him from collapsing or running away, soonyoung grabs his shoulders and makes sure that he keeps his eye contact with him. it’s the only thing that’ll keep him from running, too, is knowing that jihoon’s watching. can he feel how much he’s shaking right now. “jihoonie, did you hear me? i like you. i like you, too. that’s what the song is about, right?”

jihoon nods, a relieved smile slowly crossing his lips. “yeah. yeah, the song is about how i like you.”

“then i like you, too. i feel the same way.”

jihoon sighs — partly out of relief, partly because it was cold, and before he knows it, jihoon’s stuck his hands in the pockets of soonyoung’s sweater while making a triumphant noise. “ah…this is a relief! i thought i’d never get to do this.”

“so you only like me for my warmth? _this guy_ …” god, soonyoung’s face is _way_ too hot. he can’t just do that! that’s illegal! he’s way too cute for his own good, doing his own little things and making his own little sound effects…seriously, the _nerve_ that he had to do all of that.

“hm, i guess i like you for other things, i guess.” and jihoon’s back to playing cool, but it’s obvious that he’s a bit flustered. he doesn’t take his hands out of soonyoung’s pockets. he doesn’t mind, anyway. he stays still so that jihoon’s hands can warm up. “i’m glad you liked it, though. i really am. i’m sorry i didn’t show you any of my earlier songs, either. i was just…”

“hey.” now soonyoung’s hands move to cup jihoon’s face. they’re really covering a lot in the first few minutes of their relationship, huh? “you support me because it makes you happy. i’ll support _you_ because it makes me happy. it’s not one-sided.”

jihoon pouts. “thanks, but do you really have to say that while holding my face?”

“i’ve been wanting to for so long. let me have this moment. we’re boyfriends now, aren’t we?”

ha, he feels jihoon’s face heat up. “yeah, i guess we are.”


End file.
